Playing House with Sarah Palin

I know! I'm supposed to be working on my very important project!

But I stumbled upon the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator.

Enjoy, my peeps, enjoy.


P.S. My name would have been "Spoon Archer Palin." Yours?

Still Kickin'

Each day, I have a few very narrow windows of opportunity to do important bidness, which generally falls into one of the following categories:

• blogging
• paid freelance writing/editing assignments
  
• half-assed management of household affairs

And when I say, "narrow windows of opportunity," I'm talking really, really narrow, people. Like something you'd see on a medieval turret, say.

Lately I've been using up all my windows working on a project deadline and scheming ways to get the most bang for my 18 POINTS a day We1ght Watcher$ buck. That's right, I joined the POINTS counters online a week ago, and my life is now consumed - consumed, I say! by POINTS.

It's a twisted little addiction, this We1ght Watcher$ business, perfect for a hyper-vigilant, compulsive personality who derives an ascetic thrill from squeaking in under the 18 POINT wire at the end of a long, hungry, day.

Back when I was on my Tetris kick, I'd see blocks falling out of the sky when I closed my eyes to sleep at night. Now it's all about the POINTS, my friends. I can't look at an animal, vegetable or mineral without guesstimating it's POINTS value. Just the other day, I glanced out the picture window to witness one of our squirrel neighbors munching away with relish on a huge nut, and in my head I was like, "That's a five pointer, betch. I hope you're having celery for lunch."

I've been a little hungry, is what I'm saying, and hunger is not so conducive to good writing. And busy, too, what with the freelance work and all. It seems that I just can't have it all, for crying out loud. I can't be a stay-at-home mom, a paid professional, an online diarist, and a skinnybitch all at once.

Something has got to give and it's the blog, at least for just a few more weeks, while I complete a very important freelance project and lose ten pounds. I can't divulge too much information, but let's just say that the health of American industry is totally dependent upon my cranking out a robust, yet seamless and user friendly piece of technical documentation. You think the future of our great nation is to be determined by the result of the upcoming election, but I'm telling you, people, it's the tech docs.

(Remember "Tina the Tech Writer" from Dilbert that no one ever took seriously? That's me, except I'm on my couch wearing yoga pants and barking out orders in between changing diapers and switching out Dora DVDs.)

So that's that. This post has been a not very seamless or user friendly way of informing you that I'm still kickin,' and I'll be back soon . . .

Special Note to My Plagiarist: I'm onto you like a bad suit, sistah.' Here's fair warning to cease and desist.

Communal Living Aftermath

Yo, yo, yo, gentle readers!

My parents left for their three week vacation yesterday morning. What this means is that I am walking around pantsless and swearing at every turn.

However, it has not been all fun and games. I had underestimated the buffering effect my parents' presence had had on the kids, who reacted to the sudden grandparent void by alternately attacking each other and skulking about the house like a couple of destitute survivors in a post apocalyptic landscape.

It was a hard transition and I was a crabby and impatient mother yesterday. I tried to use "emotional intelligence" to cope with the kids' behavior, but darned if I didn't end up using my outdoor voice instead.

Today, things are looking up, what with our lunch at McD0na1ds, a trip to the park, and an impromptu afternoon bubble bath. Now it is "quiet/nap time" and I have given myself a gold star, as well as a Reese's peanut butter cup, for the pleasant progress of our day.

The little J-dog is in his room, quietly chewing his way out of his crib and the V-meister is deeply engrossed in her newly discovered microscopic world of Polly Pockets. (I believe the V-meister when she tells me she is playing with Polly Pockets, even though I can't actually see them or their accoutrements.)

I still have the stifling weight of responsibility to keep my parents' lawn, flowerbeds, and tomato plants alive, but I'm dealing with it. Before leaving, my dad posted an elaborate watering schedule on the wall calender and my mom, full of optimistic hope, facilitated a detailed Plant Watering Orientation Session with me. But she has to know in her heart of hearts that those plants are goners.

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Many moons ago, the lovely Slouching Mom nominated my humble blog for a Blogger's Choice Award. I promptly voted for myself and asked my readers to do the same. The response was overwhelming, with Rimarama garnering a grand total of 16 votes for Best Humor Blog.

It's recently come to my attention that voting will soon close for the 2008 Bloggers Choice awards, and I won't be shy about it: I'd like to crack twenty votes. So even though this blog has been crap on a crap cracker lately, if you haven't yet voted and enjoy reading me from time to time, please click over and make my day. (You will be asked to register first, but you will feel only slight "discomfort," like a mosquito bite.)

Thank you!
-R


"Please vote for me or I will be forced to line up my family's shoes according to size by the front door. Thank you."