Am I a sobbing wreck over it?
Not in the usual "my baby is all grown up woe is me what will I ever do without her oh my lord it seems like just yesterday" sense. I think she's been needing something other than a hovering, hand-wringing, lint-picking, spazbot mother and a baby brother whose idea of a good time is flipping light switches in her life for some time now.
In fact, I've been not-so-secretly anticipating the big day so that I could give the little J-dog the same kind of attention the V-meister got when she was his age. And regain some of the freedom that toting around only one child (never thought I'd say it) can bring.
OK, I'll just put it right out there: I can't wait for three entire hours every morning when I do not have to squelch an all-out boogerfest over the fact that oh my god, the toothbrush is not in the cup holder! or EGADS! Jonas touched my pillow! Or, horror of horrors! The stair gate is up and I CAN'T GET DOWNSTAIRS TO WATCH MICKEY MOUSE CLUBHOUSE!!!
There's that.
And yet.
What if she wanders away from the playground?
What if she's lonely?
What if the kids make fun of her accent?
What if they give her hell for still sucking her thumb?
What if she gets hurt?
What if she sucks at the little Montessori tasks?
What if she forgets how to speak in her mother tongue?
What if she goes to the potty and there's nobody there to wipe her butt?
What if she turns into an exquisite little human being, complete with friends, tastes, and memories all her own? No more lazy, rainy, cozy mornings drinking coffee and watching the rain all of us inside together, safe.
Dammit. I'm a sobbing wreck.
5 comments:
Big hug to you.
She's just so lovely!
I know what you mean. Last year I was counting down the days until my oldest started preschool. However, on the first day I dropped him off and promptly burst into tears once I drove away. Those hours of alone time I was craving seemed to just drag. They couldn't go by fast enough. The next day I was catching up with a friend on the phone and I almost forgot to pick him up! Good luck!
Awe. I think it will probably be the last one at the list, but you will still have mornings in the rain all together. She is such a super cutie, by the way.
She is beautiful... and surely brave.
I know exactly how you feel.
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