I've attended the morning session three times now and left the little J-dog in the adjacent child care room each time.
Instead of looking up, things are getting progressively worse, and yesterday just might have been the last straw.
The little J-dog is on to my game by now, and sensed trouble from the moment we arrived.
He tried to escape while I was filling out the sign-up sheet and was all the way out the door and halfway down the hall when I caught up to him.
He was hy.ste.ri.cal. Not in a "ha ha" kind of way.
It didn't help matters at all when I went to get his sippy cup of milk, only to find that all six ounces had spilled inside my purse (Damn you, Gerber.)
I considered just going home.
But, I let the other mothers there convince me that he would come around, he just needs to get used to it, how many times has he been here? Etc., etc.
So I walked around with him a bit more, hugged him, kissed him, told him I'd be right back, and then I left.
This time, the safety gate was up, but that didn't stop little J-dog from trying to scale it while screaming, "MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!" after me.
Yeah, we were both crying by then.
I peeked in on him about twenty minutes into the class (without him seeing me).
Still crying.
I gave it about ten more minutes and came back to get him.
He was actually NOT crying the moment I happened to walk in, but he looked like a wreck, with red rimmed eyes and hair molded into an entirely new dried up snot 'do.
So, what should I do?
The other mothers there told me to keep coming back, sometimes it takes awhile for kids to come around, but I can't bear the thought of it.
I mean, he was desperate in there. Desperate, I tell you. How can I possibly force him to go back?
My mom told me to give it up, that I shouldn't expect him to tolerate it, he's only a year and a half old, he's not used to the environment, what are you gonna do?
Which kind of makes me feel selfish for having attempted it. It's something I want to do, not something I have to do.
Advice?
22 comments:
If it were me...I'd give it a break. Just a few weeks. But I'm a softie like that. Right now, he's so *hating* it...it may take a while before he warms to it.
Also the next time you go -- could you go with a friend who has a kid he knows?! A little familiarity might help.
That picture -- I just want to squeeze his adorable bum. But that's just me.
Heidi
It does sound like he's too young.. and just not ready yet. Is there a way he can sit where you are in his sight?
I think I'd go to a different class when someone he knows can watch him at home. I don't think I could do it either.
It's not a selfish thing you're doing however. Taking care of Mama is a priority!!
I'm with Amy on this one. Oh and? Those little baby jeans are adorable!
Is there some super special favorite toy he could bring with him? Sounds like a bit of separation anxiety which can be so tough. Now might not be the right time for him, but eventually he's going to have to learn that it's ok to play outside of his own environment and know that you WILL come back. Is there a friend who could watch him at their house instead of someone he doesn't know all that well?
That's a tough one. The picture you posted is exactly why I haven't braved the child care at my gym. But if you really want to give it the old college try, you could set yourself a limit of 2-3 more times and if he is still a wreck, you could stop and wait another couple of months.
Sigh.
I would probably not go any more - - I feel completely remorseful when they cry ilke that.
And then? I would complain about it on my blog.
I'll be the bitch here: I think at some point the kiddies have to get used to being left for a while, and need to work on coping skills. I'd leave him with a lovey, some snacks and a sippy cup. He'll learn that you're coming back. Really. I would not for ONE second feel bad for taking care of myself. If you are not getting time for Rima, you cannot lead your family effectively. (IMO)
I'm with Liv. Do not give it up! He needs to learn that mommy needs her time to do her own thing. He's not too young for that lesson. It will help reinforce in his mind that mommy may be gone for a short time, but she always comes back. If you give in now, when's he going to learn? When it's time to go to pre-school? It'll be a much harder period of adjustment then.
Hey, I had the same issue with little J at my own gym before she started daycare... More than once I was on the ol' elliptical runner when a voice boomed over the loudspeaker summoning me to the child care room to deal with my distraught child. Ugh!!! It definitely discouraged me from going. You have my sympathy! Love to all.
*le sigh*
Dang, this motherhood thing is tough. Uncle, that photo got me.
I would either give it a break or change it up to another activity. I think you definitely need your own time but if he's not happy and consequently your not happy - uggh.
I don't know much but I know this is just another phase, there will come a time (oh too soon) when he WON'T want to be your shadow.
P.S. I'm in complete ENVY that you live close to the Christmas Story house. COMPLETE. ENVY.
Siding with Liv here. Just think, what if he were in daycare? He'd have to adjust to being in a new place all day 5 days a week without Mommy. Lucky for him you're there for him all the time except maybe a half hour or so for jazzercise. Maybe get him a special toy that he gets when he's at the gym. I'd give it another couple of tries.
This is so hard. The very worst when they dissolve like that - and you are the cause of it. Well, sort of. I found that my daughter really had a hard time from 12 months to 18 months, probably a little past that, with separation. She still needs lots of build-up and she is 3. She does better with slow changes. So, my advice is to not give up. Maybe take a break and try it again in January or when he seems a bit more ready. Then you may have to go through a reasonable period of separation anxiety, but not torture. Hang in there. It gets better.
the more you do it, the more accustomed to it he will become. those first few days *or in some cases, weeks* are the hardest, but then they get used to it and get happy...jake practically begs us to take him to daycare haha
Don't be so hard on yourself. You weren't being selfish to try it. He could have absolutely love it. But he didn't.
You have to do what you feel is right. Each mom is different. He might get used to it, he might not. You know him better than anyone else. If it were me, I probably would not bring him there until he were a little bit older, and then maybe try it again.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
TAke a break. He's not ready, and you don't HAVE to go. It's not work, or anything. Is there a Mommy and Me class you can start attending, preferrably at the same location? Maybe he won't associate the center with being abandoned and may start liking it?
I guess I'm a bit of a toughie... I would try it a couple more times. I mean, honestly, how long is the workout? 60 minutes out of your day? And not even every day at that?
When I started at the gym regularly little G was only 10 months old, and she got used to it quite quickly. So it's likely because your guy is a little older and can exert his will that it's that much harder. But the last few months when I haven't been going so regularly, she's given me a hard time at drop off. It helps if her little friends are there, and usually by the time I get back she's in a great mood. But sometimes she'll just sit in her stroller, and not get out.
It's hard but I have to tell myself these precious minutes are important for my health, my sanity... and ultimately for my family. My 2 cents, anyway.
Good luck with this, whatever you decide. Cute shot of him though... the DRAMA!
oh. MQ was never that bad. I would say give it a few months and then try again.
I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do.
Because raising the kid I've raised, *coughpaytoncough* I've learned no one else can tell me what to do. And the times I did take advice and follow it, it usually bit me in the butt.
Follow your instincts. Do what feels right to you. What I think is right doesn't matter.
Queen of Shake-Shake
And having just read through the comments, you don't know how hard it is for me to keep my opinion to myself.
Gack!! My tongue is about to DIE!
Off for a special Irish coffee.
Little Man isn't as bad as this, but it's close. You're not a bad mom for wanting something for you. Just keep trying.
I have this same problem only with the babysitting at synagogue. Zoe refuses to stay in there and she freaks when I try to leave her ... she is 18 months old. There is another little girl who is the same age and her mother has been leaving her in there since she was 3 months old and she is fine with it. But not my little one. So I've been trying to go in with her for about 10 to 15 mintues each week to let her get used to it. So far it's not working. But I'm not sure what else to do.
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