When I first started blogging earlier this year, I wrote a very raw post about mothering after a particularly bad day with the kids. The process of putting it on paper was therapeutic in and of itself, but I debated whether or not to publish it. In the end I did because, when all was said and done, I needed some reassurance that I was not the only one who ever "lost it."
Despite the fact that several readers commented on it, I didn't think my honesty was particularly odd. After all, isn't a personal blog meant to air out just this kind of dirty laundry? A way to commiserate with others in similar situations?
Now that I've been blogging for the better half of a year, I've come to realize that posts in which parents "spill the beans," so to speak, about the frustration, loneliness and sometimes naked rage that is parenting, are few and far between. We often hint at misery and weakness, use humor (ahem) to take the edge off the ugly, but we don't often journey into the dark that, I suspect, many of us experience from time to time.
It's understandable. No one wants to be a whiner or to be harshly judged. What if I'm really the only one who's ever done this, ever felt this way? Who wants to read another post about depression? If it's so hard, go get a job - you made the choice to "stay at home."
Finslippy recently posted about a bad episode with her son and asked readers to share their own stories of "parental ineptitude."
If you've ever felt alone as you stumble along this dimly lit corridor of motherhood, go read the one hundred plus comments that readers have left on her post.
They will make you shudder, cry, sigh, laugh out loud, and, finally, (hopefully), deeply exhale.
Honesty.
It does a mother good.
16 comments:
Well, I am not a mother but I'm reasonably assured that there are very few unique experiences in the world. There's a lot of wisdom in the community so I'd say .. let it rip! Someone will have experienced it, knows someone who has experienced it or will experience it in the future. :)
Very well articulated Rima.
I think Janet said it best with
her post "the brotherhood of motherhood". Tis a wonderful thing.
I think it is also partly an issue of not wanting to air out too much dirty laundry. At least in my case, knowing that my family reads my blog, I have to be somewhat careful about what I say. I have, on occasion, though about creating a separate, anon blog where I can vent a bit more...
Heidi
I love your raw post about a bad parenting day. Sometimes nothing works and you feel completely inept. It's the dirty little secret of SAHPs, I think. And all we can do for each other is to nod sympathetically and say "I know how you feel."
I think I've been pretty honest about my lack of parenting skills. It's my dirty marriage laundry I choose not to air. Maybe I should start a trend...
I just read your "raw parenting" post for the first time and oh, I can relate. More than relate, I could feel it, as I read. Of course I've been there. More times than I can count, I've silently (and actually) apologized to my kids for not being a good enough mother. There are days... We all have them, I am certain. But sharing those moments really is so very raw.
I read Finslippy and that post of hers (and the comments) are wonderful and comforting. Thanks for sharing you, too.
I will definitely head over and take a look. It is nice to know we're not alone when we feel like running away.
I'm all about sanding down the edges with humor, sticking my fingers in my ears and burying the head in the sand. That's honest, right?
Wow. I needed this post and the link. Sigh. I've had a whole week of not liking myself because of my lack of patience and understanding with my boys. Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone. Everyone has bad days.
you are so right. and good on alice for suggesting it.
Honesty all the way. Because back last summer when I said I was entertaining the idea of eating the pages out of that parenting book, I WAS NOT KIDDING. I was *that* close to the edge of sanity.
I've yelled at my kids to shut up at times too. My mom did it to me. I turned out ok.
I even called Parker a sh*thead to his face once. I was SO unbelievably angry at him that I really wanted to put the F bomb in front of it. But I did show some restraint. heh.
I still think it was a big deal that you posted that because its STILL true. Honest bloggers are few and far between. I see WAY to many people covering up their issues with "contests" every other day and other rediculous crap that is just not good reading.
Ooh look at that little rant you got out of me. Bonus!
Rima, thank you for writing so honestly and sharing that post of yours from August. I have been there SO many times. And you're right. I've written about it some on my blog. It is very, very difficult to stay at home. And that's an understatement. I've locked myself in the bathroom and cried. They were a little freaked. It did me good.
Why do you think I send mine away three days a week? It ain't just for his benefit.
I've been there. I know my limitations. And two days a week alone with him are it!
That Finslippy post was great.
Every parent, at one time or another, goes to that dark place. And then we kind of hate ourselves for it.
But I am always comforted by the shortcomings and frailties of my fellow blogging parents.
I think all parents are perfect...I hope they think I'm perfect too. (Shhh...if we all keep saying it, it's true, no?)
How have I not found you before? Love your writing.
We've all been there and anyone who says she hasn't is lying. I love to see honest and upfront posts on motherhood. Hell, I may be arrested for some of the stuff I write on my page!
The knowledge that other moms, especially moms we think are supermoms, go through the very same thing all the time.
Our society does very little to support mothers. In the past, women lived with relatives or had other women around to help raise the children. They weren't stuck home alone day after day. It's hard as hell.
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