Thing is, V-meister considers anyone in her height range, give or take a foot, her friend - whether they realize it or not.
Take a playground, any playground.
Immediately upon arrival, little V will scope out the scene and waste no time in introducing herself to any and all "friends" in the general vicinity.
Often, she goes straight for kids who are obviously a good two or three years her senior and it is not unusual, in these instances, for her to meet resistance.
Some are not quick to reply to her standard, "Hi! My name is V-meister, what's your name?" greeting.
The V-meister cares not.
She will continue to inquire after your name until such time as you provide an acceptable response.
She'll introduce you to the little J-Dog (who will chime in with an enthusiastic "TWO!"), then get down to the business of organizing and directing playground activities.
The kids are all, "Forsooth, who is this bold wench that doth commandeer us hither and dither, to and fro?"
And yet, I've watched many a child eventually capitulate to the V-meister's cruise director instructions.
I've also watched them turn their backs to my eager, chatty, bossy little butterfly, who wants so much to be a part of the crowd, but who still lacks the crucial "reciprocation detection radar."
It breaks my heart.
Last week, the family Rama did a slow, gawking drive-by of our house-to-be, then stopped at the local playground, where V-meister and J-dog headed for the jungle gym and P-Dawg and I for benches with shade.
When it was time to reluctantly wrench herself from the games and head home, the V-meister ran up to the group of children she'd been peripherally cavorting with and announced,
"Bye, guys! I'm going home now, guys! My mama said it's time for me and my brother to go home! . . . Bye, guys! . . . GUYS!!!!"
They completely ignored her until, finally, she grabbed one unsuspecting "friend" by the sleeve and yelled, "I'M GOING NOW. GOODBYE!!!!!"
Leaving the girl with no choice but to bid V-meister farewell.
It's true that the V-meister is an exceedingly eager and sometimes overbearing pal. I've tried to explain to her, when opportunity warranted and the time was ripe, about giving other children their space, letting them choose their own games.
About, sometimes, just leaving them the heck alone.
I'm not sure she understands, or if she's just too young yet to grasp the subtle art of social interaction.
I know that every parent wants to (unwisely?) protect their child from heartache and rebuff to some degree.
That the V-meister is just beginning to learn how to negotiate the minefield of friendship and can't be expected to immediately understand all the spoken and inferred rules of social interaction.
(Lawd, will she ever?)
I want her to be able to navigate her social terrain with savvy and a measure of self-respect, but I don't want her to lose her innocent and open assumption that every child is "friend."
Yep, there's a heartache ahead.
20 comments:
lordy, does she ever sound like my Ten. and i hate to break it to you, but, at least in his case, i'm still aching for his poor understanding of social reciprocity.
and yet, like your girl, he is a sought-after cruise director. at the lake yesterday, he had fifteen kids (only five of whom he knew) playing "Water Olympics," the schedule and format of which he'd devised on the fly.
the nice thing about Ten is that he doesn't seem to respond to kids' meanness -- it seems to fly under his radar.
maybe that will be the case for the V.
If I ever heard a small child say "forsooth" I'm fairly certain I'd pass out from shock. :)
At least she's friendly and outgoing and not afraid to talk to other kids!
She's beautiful, by the way. Those eyes...
I have no advice, but I think you're wise to let things take their course even though it is hard to watch. What a sweet girl!!
This is so interesting, because for years I ached for my eldest to not be so skittish around other children. Any approach on their behalf towards her usually involved her quickly dissolving into traumatized tears.
I wonder if your daughter's personality will naturally lend her resilience. Because in the world of children, resilience is a darn good trait to have. And that is a really cute picture of the cruise director!
As you know, I just wrote a heart-achy post about my baby boy. Navigating the waters of social interaction can be so hard. I just hope there won't be too many bumps and bruises as they try to find their place.
And I hope your daughter retains her enthusiasm and friendliness. She sounds (and looks) lovely.
Heidi
Oh the playground is a cruel place. I was just there yesterday watching the saddest interaction between of a couple of kids while Nate poured sand all over my shoe. The kids are so brutally honest is breaks your heart a little. I have no idea how I'll handle this when Nate is big enough to go out and make friends (I hope he doesn't pour sand all over them).
V sounds like a pretty strong little lass, I think she'll figure things out all in good time.
My kiddos are very social too and never met a stranger. It's been hard for me to watch them learn how to read other kids, but they do learn.
She is just adorable.
Man do I wish you lived close. Our little cruise director is also equally social and well, reciprocation nation it isn't.
That V-meister melts my heart and I'd take her kindness any.day.
Oh! I'm suddenly verclempt. (Childhood issues!) I had no social interaction detection radar when I was a kid. Then one day when I was ten, every kid came up to me while I was on the swings -- one at a time -- and told me they weren't going to be my friends anymore because I was too "bossy". I didn't have the confidence at the time to say, "Hey! No one's going to teach you how to dance to 'Rock Around the Clock' but ME, so count your blessings and start dancing!" Instead, I was crushed.
I've thought about this and what I might tell my girls should they be like me. My advice to them would be this: "It's great to be a leader. But a good leader asks their friends what they want to do sometimes -- not ALWAYS because that's crazy and they're not nearly as creative as you -- but sometimes. It's important to listen."
Because sometimes those of us with defective radars can only learn what others need by asking outright, which I'm sure the V-meister will have the confidence to do.
I wish you all the best. And thanks for the therapy session!
I have a feeling that helping our kids grow up is going to be like living high school all over again. And I'm not looking forward to it.
So, V-meister and my oldest daughter could totally be BFF. When I read your entry, I was thinking how this is totally my child as well. I can tell you that my heart has broken for her many times when the other kids ignore her persistence, and the times when she has run up to me saying that "the girl won't play with her" and "why won't she play with me?" I think that she is starting to figure it out more with time, but she is so outgoing and wants to be social, so I'm all for that (cause that is nothing like me), but at the same time I don't want to see her get hurt. It hurts me way too much...
Awe, bless her little pigtailed heart, who wouldn't want to be her friend?
Ouch. It's so hard to watch this sort of thing. I've seen both of my kids go through this at one time or another, and I've wished I could shield them from the rejection.
I so want to smooch her
Oh, Rima. I could have written this post about Elliot. It breaks my heart to see her so eager to play with "friends" only to see them be mean to her.
Awwww.
My two boys are more the 'I really want to go play with those other kids but think I'll just stay over here and watch instead' types.
Although all it takes is a look in the right direction and they will slowly make their way over.
Sometimes that makes your heart ache too.
Kids can be so very cruel. Your little V-meister is such, such a sweetheart! I would have LOVED to have a little friend like her when I was her age. I was so withdrawn and shy, not too many kids would play with me (well, woulda helped if I could speak ENGLISH!). The world needs people like her; quick to make friends, to draw people out. I think she will be just fine.
My boy is quite social and just seems to flit in and out of different circles, which is perfect. The girlie gets frustrated when kids don't want to play with her; she's come to me more than the odd time to complain and have me try to make her new friend play. Maybe it's a girl thing?
Kids can be so rude. Who ignores someone when they say goodbye? Or when another child introduces themselves and asks their name.
I mean, my got! Like you, I've worked with Payton on the social cues and ins and outs, then the other kids are rude and ignore him.
And some people tried to say my kid had a social problem.
Oh my, what a ranty comment I just made there. Your story touched a nerve obviously.
Little Miss is the same way and she has been since she was about 3! Everybody is her friend when she meets them. Now at school some of the kids don't/won't play with her and it breaks her heart and mine too. Let her be herself, she is just a sweetie!
Mine is much the same way. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that her exuberance doesn't get squashed out in kindergarteh.
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