Alejna's post earlier this week made me re-evaluate my priorities and I also decided that it would be OK for the V-meister to occasionally be a tad late for school - possibly even with pigtails askew - in exchange for a pleasant and cheerful morning mother.
Also in the spirit of Christmas, I was the most benevolent motorist on the road today. There was a lady going fifteen miles per hour in front of me and yapping away on her cell phone, but I was all "Peace Out, Sistah!" before I revved up the engine and cut her off. And I'm not even going to tell you how many people I let in front of me on the lane merge. My good cheer was totally out of control.
What I do regret is introducing the J-Dog and V-Meister to the Chipmunks Christmas Song. Never underestimate the appeal of grown men singing under the influence of helium to a pre-school audience. Now I have to listen to those freaking chipmunks on an endless loop every time I get in the car. It's either that or endure the odious whining, and that IS enough to make me rear-end the dope smokin' dude going ten miles per hour.
And speaking of rodents, when the P-Dawg read my post about man-on-mole combat, he confided that what he'd really wanted to order was a "Mole Gassing System." Whereby you connect a hose from the exhaust pipe of your car to your target mole hole and exterminate the critter by means of noxious fumes. This is in direct opposition to L'Esprit de Noel.
To recap, then:
Things That Are in the Spirit of Christmas:
- Taming your inner morning beeotch
- Allowing your pre-schooler's dawdling to result in her being late for a school that she's not even legally required to attend
- Allowing your pre-schooler to leave the house with misaligned pigtails
- Letting motorists who are driving with their heads up their a$$es merge in front of you like it's going out of style
- Baking cookies only if you damn well please
- Gassing the mole colony in your front yard
10 comments:
I love that song, the first 10 times I hear it. And then L!(&($^@^_!!
The Chipmunks song will never find it way to our house, I would seriously never hear the end of it, ever.
For some stupid reason I purchased the Chipmunks Christmas specials on DVD last year and the boys insist on making me watch it over and over again this year. Oh joy.
I feel your pain.
I am afraid I will never be cheerful morning mama. Unless someone opens a Starbucks in my master bathroom I will always be grumpy until about 10:00.
You know what you need? You need my preschooler to come over and feed your vehicle's CD player with quarters like she's a granny at a slot machine. That's what she did to ours and now...voila! Pas de Chipmunk. musique.
C'est dommage.
(I knew growing up in a bilingual country would come in handy. I just knew it.)
After reading this, I'm totally in the Christmas Spirit. Except for that gassing moles thing.
Oh that is the best song! It makes me giggle every time.
I wish I could let my two be late for school but it has a knock on effect for others and would result in me being extra late!
I'm going to try your spirit of Christmas too. But as I'm up to date with cards and letters and tree etc - only the shopping and wrapping to do now.
That is really a classic. However, I love the gassing of the moles. LOL!
Just what I needed at 8pm. The Chipmunk Song stuck in my head!
Post a Comment