I always wore glasses as a kid. And I'm fairly certain that my gargantuan, chablis-tinted plastic frames, coupled with a short, cross-gender haircut - which I liked to wear feathered and parted straight down the middle (not pictured) - were my main obstacles to social superstardom.Ninth grade saw salvation and gradual peer acceptance in the form of contact lenses, the kind that would routinely pop out as I went about my daily business. Still, rooting around the bathroom floor searching for your contacts beat the hell out of getting stuffed into your locker by Frank Snodgrass.
Alas, my glasses reprieve was short lived. They served me well through high school and college, then all of a sudden*, I just couldn't wear them comfortably anymore. I haven't worn them regularly for over ten years now, and it really chaps my hide. Because even though I have a decent pair of virtually weightless Swiss specs that are the least obvious pair of glasses I've ever owned, they still give me a bit of a complex. Whatever! Things could be worse.
Every once in awhile, I'll put in my daily wear disposable contacts on the off chance that my dessicated, renegade eyeballs decide to cooperate, but it's usually only a matter of hours before I peel them off and flush them down the toilet in disgust. I had them in today, and as I was going through the supermarket checkout line, the cashier says to me:
"You have such a pretty face!"
Me (blushing): "Oh! Thanks!"
Cashier (recognizing me as a regular customer): "You usually wear glasses, don't you?"
Me: "Um, yeah. I have my contacts in today."
Cashier: "It makes a huge difference in your appearance."
Me: "Uh, thanks."
Cashier: "Just lovely."
Me: "Yeah, I'd wear them more often if they weren't so uncomfortable, you know what I mean?"
Cashier: "Such a pretty face . . . Hey, Carl! (to bagger) Take a look at this young lady, don't you think the contacts really make a difference?"
Carl: "Oh, yes! Very nice!"
Cashier: "She usually wears glasses."
Carl (contorting face in disapproval): "I see."
Cashier (shaking head): "You should wear your contacts more often. It's a shame."
Me: "Thank you."
Cashier: "No, really, I mean it."
Me: "Okay, thanks."
Cashier: "Have a nice day."
Then me and my beautiful visage hightailed it outta there before the stroke of noon, when I was scheduled to morph back into a bespectacled hag.
* Following a recurring, untreated case of conjunctivitis that may or may not have been triggered by poor contact lens hygiene habits.
"Beauty"
"Beast"
15 comments:
Hilarious as always! I said buh-bye to my contacts shortly after our honeymoon. I don't find them comfortable either and I figured it was just an extra step in my routine that I didn't want to mess with. Plus now we have Tina Fey on our side!
My oldest keeps insisting she needs glasses too. Who knew glasses were so cool? I still wear my contacts most of the time, but they are often removed by 6 pm.
There's a cashier somewhere in the world that needs a good punch in the nuts.
I'm going to take out retribution to the first one I see.
You are a beauty, glasses or not.
Never understood why people put things in their eyes if they couldn't see. I'll stick with my glasses.
You're so funny!
And it is a pretty face! Nice picture.
Hahaha! I think you should take it as a compliment. But maybe you should have told her that if she so preferred you without your glasses you are holding a fundraiser for laser eye treatment and she is welcome to sponsor you. ;)
Oooh... I like the lasik fundraiser idea. Too funny.
I haven't been able to wear contacts either. I try again every 10 years or so, thinking that maybe the technology has advanced enough that it will work even with my defectively dry eyes, but no dice. I even got as far as scheduling lasik, but canceled when my husband's truck died. Couldn't quite justify cosmetic surgery versus a new vehicle for his hourly commute. Ah well...
Sisters in glasses-doom, perhaps?
I think glasses are sexy! Yes I do!
Don't you love it when someone thinks that they are giving you a compliment when in reality they are giving you suicidal tendencies?
Glasses are hawt (I'm not just the president ... but a client).
Oh My God. I have this dilemma too! Hate to wear glasses and find contacts AGONY. What to do... love this post!
Get Lasik! (I did and LOVE it.) But of course, you're beautiful with or without glasses...
Geez what a backhanded compliment. I hear-hear on the lasik. Contacts are a pain but I wear them anyway. Between you and me, nobody looks better in glasses, no one.
I wore contacts through most of high school and university, but I've always had problems tolerating them. So about 10 years ago I also stopped wearing them regularly. I used to be told that my eyes were my best feature. Figures.
I think of my glasses now as a fashion accessory, albeit a fairly necessary one (ie. I am BLIND without them). The funny thing is, they're coming in handy lately by hiding the puffy circles ...
Now Lasik, I would so do it if I were 10 years younger. Something about getting them done before you're 35 and then not needing reading glasses? It's too late for me now. Sigh.
PS: I think you're a pretty girl with and without the specs :).
have you looked into Lasik? my hubby and I both swear by it (he's had his for nearly a decade... I did mine 3 years ago - i finally gave in after we moved here and the pollen was way too much for my contacts... every day I felt like I had sand in my eyes!)
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