1. There were no signs in the neighborhood pointing to our open house.
2. The open house did not appear to be advertised in the newspaper.
3. The open house was not advertised online.
WTF, my peeps? Is my real estate lady smokin' dope, or does she really not want to sell this house?
I can handle no one showing up if a valiant attempt has been made to attract visitors. But I do not want to run around like a chicken with my head cut off, turning the hut right-side up in preparation for a showing while two little childrenz follow me around undoing my every effort as I complete it for an imaginary open house which has been advertised exactly nowhere.
Yesterday, we had a showing scheduled during the J-dog's naptime, so we packed the kids up in the Ramamobile and drove around our dream 'hood scouting out new listings while the V-meister hummed merrily along to her favorite song on the Grease soundtrack (Why, this car is automatic, it's systematic, it's hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidromatic, why, it's grease lightning!) and the J-dog caught up with his beauty sleep.
But forty five minutes into our jaunt around the winding and hilly roads where we hope to find the home of our future nestled, the little J-dog woke up and puked a pint of partially digested strawberries into his lap.
"Crap! I told you somebody was going to yorp if you didn't take it easy around those curves, P-Dawg!!!!"
Sadly, it was a situation in which having been right didn't yield quite the feeling of satisfaction one would hope for.
We pulled into the nearest parking lot, where a howling J-dog was wiped down to the best of the P-Dawg's ability and changed into a set of clean clothes (which the ever prepared mutha keeps in the diaper bag at all times in case of just such an emergency).
Then we killed the remaining half hour before we could get back into our house by driving very slowly with the windows down and making as few turns as possible. Once home, we deposited the J-dog straight into the bathtub, and that is when the agent who had scheduled the showing arrived with her clients, half an hour late.
I completely understand how easy it can be to run late for a showing, but I almost burst a blood vessel upon being told that they couldn't get in earlier due to the storm door being locked, BECAUSE I KNOW THIS TO BE A BUNCH OF BULL SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS.
Freakin' storm door was not locked. NOT LOCKED!
Do you know how hard it was for me not to call her on her bluff about that stupid storm door? It took every ounce of self-restraint in me to bite my tongue and place the blame squarely on the V-meister, saying, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! My daughter must have turned the lock on our way out!", even though it is impossible to lock our storm door from the inside, Pinocchio!
So either this agent has a serious iron deficiency, or the line is something agents universally say when they are running late and don't want to admit it. Still, I would have appreciated a little honesty after driving my kid to puke all over himself in vain.
Bah. She showed the house while the entire family Rama huddled awkwardly in the bathroom, the V-meister occasionally shooting out into the hallway like a bat out of hell to let us know whether the coast was clear.
You know how they say that moving is one of life's biggest stresses? I hope that they are factoring the house showing part of the process heavily into the equation, because if it gets much harder, I could have a total nervous breakdown.
MamaGeek recently reminded me of that scene in American Beauty where Annette Bening stands, arms akimbo, in front of the patio doors of a house she is trying to sell, affirming, "I will sell this house today! I will sell this house today!" before stripping down to her bra and panties and going on a cleaning spree.
Dude. I need that realtor.
35 comments:
Wandered across your site looking for something else. You go girl! I just sold a house and have some pretty good stories too. Good Luck!
I am gaining more nervousness at this thought because I have a laundry list of home improvement items that have to be done to my hut and I am seriously considering just selling and not doing them. But the thought of selling and going through all that... brrrrr! I need Annette Bening too!
As the daughter of one of those Annette Bening realtor types, I can assure you, they'll get the job done, but they'll make their own personal relatives absolutely cuh-razy.
Bah! I would have totally lost it (on both counts, the late showing and the unadvertised open house). It will sell, but having it on the market is HARD.
Strawberry puke? Oh man.
Wow, BULL SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS is right! You WILL sell this house with Annette or not!
What really sucks is all the open houses (cleaning for, leaving for,...). But you know THAT!
I am with you. Seriously. Except it has been a week since someone looked at this house and that makes me want to DIE! Because I'm a drama queen. I honestly think that realtors can do whatever the frig they want, because we can't do anything about it. I'm so frustrated with trying to keep everywhere clean. Especially when people don't show up to see it. SOB SOB!
I would have let her have it on both counts. I suggest a drug test. heh!
Oh does THAT ever suck.
I remember that time -- Jack was one and a half, and Ben was five.
Not fun. Not fun at all.
I'm sorry it was rough.. if it's not convenient for you to be out of the house for a showing.. don't be. Just stay out of the way somewhere while potential buyers are looking. We looked at a couple houses (including the one we bought) with the sellers home. In one case, the seller followed us around pointing out everything he'd done and pretty much hovering. I think since my husband drove a shiny red corvette at the time he assumed we had gobs of money and were just waiting to shower it upon him. Needless to say, we were turned off by that. The house we bought, the sellers stayed in the living room and quietly watched the evening news while we perused and whispered in all the rooms of the house. We got a chance to ask them some questions, tell them a little about us and we hit it off. Turned out to be a good thing because they were somewhat picky about whose offers they would accept. Bottom line, it is still YOUR home for now so do whatever YOU need to do and if the realtor doesn't like it, find a new realtor who is willing to work WITH you.
You'd think an agent would be more motivated in this market?
You totally need Annette Bening. Hope the next open house goes better.
You DO have the patience of a Saint. That is CRAZY. Time for some agent ass kicking. Ya want us to come ovah thayre?
See I have an entire different vision of Annette Bening from that movie...one you DON'T want to be reminded of.
But in all seriousness my friend, you need to sit that realtor down - stat! That is ridiculous!
Heidi
First, if you find Annette, please send her my way.
Second, NO ADS, that blows! I know you probably signed a contract so can't really fire your agent - but you definitely need to have a serious chat and be riding her butt from here out.
If its any consolation, I hear that open houses aren't really all that successful anyway. Usually its just the nosy neighbors checking to see your asking price.
Still wishing you lots of luck!
This is so not fun Rima... I feel badly for you. Especially with kids, it must be such a pain to keep the house tidy, let alone puke-free. I couldn't imagine keeping up with that now (last time we sold we didn't have kids yet so it was easy to get out at a drop of a hat... still a pain).
I would have a good talk with your realtor; if you don't have a contract, get out if there's no action.
Good luck!
We are moving too- I feel your pain!
Yoowsahs! Hasn't she seen Sell This House? That is so annoying to go through all the work for nothing. I'd probably lose it on her but not sure how productive that would be. Maybe it's time for "a talk".
Selling sounds tough. Maybe this week will be better.
Freakin' lying dying liars!
The more I read, the longer I'm staying put.
You have my sympathies. There is much I dislike about our current home, but the fact that we a) in it and b) unpacked means I'm not moving any time soon.
Good luck, Rima.
My other favorite is "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by". Which might apply to your Shakespeare wannabe.
Should you wish a chuckle go back and read "A Strange and Unusual Trip". I think it will appeal to you.
That totally sucks. You have a lot more restraint with your agent than I would have...
That sounds like no fun! I too had almost the same experience with our open house this weekend, minus the kids though, which I'm sure adds a whole other dimension.
I'm so sorry! That so totally sucks! Don't waste too much time with this realtor. If she continues to be a flake, then FIRE HER! She works for you and not having promoted your house is a complete and total lack of professionalism. Next time, have our outline her plans to promote your house. Plus, remind her that she must have your CELL PHONE number and that she should CALL YOU if she's going to be late. (UGH, I'm pissed for you, really.) Best of luck!
I'm with everyone else--fire her ass if you can.
Also, my sister and brother-in-law and kids had to be home during one of their showings and it actually helped them. BIL got to talk up the neighborhood and give the peeps lots of inside info about the area. The buyers actually made an offer the next day. SO, if it is too hard, just say no to piling the kids in the car and leaving. The world won't come to an end if you are there.
You do NOT need that in an agent.
Hear, hear! To firing her.
First? She's lazy.
Second? She's lied to you.
All very bad signs in my book.
(You deserve a medal after that day.)
Awwww, I am not a homeowner, but I totally feel you on the moving woes.
I think I'd have to fire a real estate agent. Seriously. Get a new one.
Your realtor sounds like the realtors who tried to sell our house. TWICE we had unadvertised open houses. And yes, I said "tried" to sell our house. Because we fired them as soon as we could. Here's hoping you can do the same and ASAP. No time for fooling around when there is potential strawberry puke with every showing... ;p
That (she) sucks.
I really like yorp.
I think you need to get a new real eastse agent! All the best! Great blog by the way.
Cheers!
Oh no! That is awful.
Now where did I put Annette Bening's number?
Ha! The Matron, who is married to a progressive, Buddhist, honest, house-people loving realtor, is laughing off her chair.
The Matron's husband continues to sell houses and make money. Why? Remember those adjectives: progressive, Buddhist, honest, house and people loving? Add hard-working.
Many people may not know this, but realtors are actually allowed to do more than put a sign in the yard and pretend to advertise! They are allowed to make phone calls, blog, email, and network. Generally, it is legal for them to physically labor and toil on YOUR behalf.
Alas, most realtors don't know that they have these stunning capabilities. Sorry if yours is one of those, my dear.
our favorite scene from the movie is Kevin Spacey sitting in the recliner, saying "I rock!"
OK, "yorp" is just killing me!! I've never heard that before!
Selling is SO stressful! Ack, I thought I'd go NUTSO when we were selling. Now when I think about moving I weight the actual process of selling as a giant CON on my neatly printed pro/con list.
Serious iron deficiency and a lying problem.
Totally - we all need that Annette Benning character.
Listing your house bites, huh.
We should totally get together and write a book about selling houses. Our condo has been on the market more than 9 months now and we've gone through everything imaginable from the no one showing up for the open house to people demanding to see our place at 10 pm even though we tell them we have a sleeping baby. It has to be the worst thing ever and don't even get me started on real estate agents!
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