J-dog was down with it until he detected the sensation of cold scissor blades on the back of his nubile toddler neck.
No amount of animal crackers, juice, or entreaties to take note of the stellar comportment of the V-meister, who was getting an angled bob in the next throne over, could calm the hysterics.
In a near repeat performance of his Jazzercise child care room escape attempt, the little J-dog tried to nose dive out of my lap and make a run for the exit, but was unsuccessful.
We momentarily diverted him with a Dora DVD, but as soon as his toddler radar detected scissors returning for the kill, the J-dog freaked - screaming, foaming at the mouth, and spitting up animal crackers. I think his head spun around a few times too, but I can't be entirely sure.
Meanwhile, V-meister sat primly in her kiddy haircut throne, flipping her 'do from side to side and occasionally exclaiming, "Oh, I am looking so pretty! This haircut is sooooooo me!"
After a few minutes of this, I put the J-dog's stylist out of her misery, telling her it was OK to stop and that I'd try to finish the job during bath time later on. (And when I say, "I," I mean the P-Dawg).
And thus the J-dog's haircut ended only minutes after it had begun.
I was tempted to deny the little J-dog his craptastic plastic consolation toy (I mean, he didn't even complete the task at hand, which was to NOT WRITHE AND SCREAM for five minutes while watching cartoons, noshing on animal crackers, and enjoying some ambient salon tunes).
Because while I understood that the J-dog was frightened (he's gotten haircuts before, but it seems that his phobia worsens with each attempt), I couldn't help but be slightly irritated that this simple errand could not be accomplished. My blood runs toward the reptilian, what can I say.
In the end, he got a sticker.
"DICKER!", he exclaimed the moment he was free, and proceeded to run laps around the reception area like a man with a death row pardon, while I paid fifteen dollars for the pleasure of letting one hysterical toddler smear boogers, tears, hair, and regurgitated cracker paste all over the front of my shirt.
"Cut this, suckas!"
34 comments:
You are brave to finish it on your own.
Every single time I go NEAR my son's hair they end up looking like Vulcan's.
Live long and proper, yo.
Oh God. Dave is pushing to get R's hair cut (for the first time other than mom-bang-trims). This is my fear. I am terrified of this. HELP
I refuse to believe anything THAT CUTE can cause such a scene. Refuse.To.Believe.It.
Heidi
May I suggest the "flowbee" (www.flowbee.com) -- I mean, not unless he's afraid of vacuum cleaners. (Just kidding, of course.) I'm curious, does he let you or the P-Dawg cut his hair more willingly than the person at the salon? Is it that the salon person is a stranger? If so, is there a neighbor/friend who you could pay a few bucks and a nice dinner to cut his hair? Maybe he's more comfortable at home. I've never been more tense than when trying to cut my girls hair, so I know how it is. Good luck!
OK I'm real sorry and I'm sure that this whole experience was jacked up... but you gotta cut us some slack Rima! You cant tell us this long story about his haircut and expect sympathy (and you did have me going) and THEN post a picture like that!!!!! Give me the picture of mid-meltdown. Then I will believe that he is the devil child* you say he is.
*In no way do I actually BELIEVE the J-Dog is actually a devil child. How could I? THOSE CHEEKS! NOM NOM NOM
entreaties to take note of the stellar comportment of the V-meister --
HAHA!! This is funny (tho I'm sorry for your general experience).
Dicker! (snort)
um hellllllllllooooooooo
pictures of the angled bob?!? where might they be??
My youngest boy got his ear cut during a haircut and to this day he flinches when you get near his ears. Mind you, he is 18 years old now!
Is this a boy thing?
I swear I'm still carrying scars from toddler boy hair cuts and the horror that comes with them that I wait until I absolutely HAVE to take the boys for a haircut.
You need one of those vacuum haircut thingies (which is the official trade name, I'm SURE).
He's freaking adorable. And I cracked up at "Dicker!"
With boys, isn't it ALWAYS about the dicker?
Oh, yes, the snot-hair paste. Remember it well. I started cutting zdoodle's hair at home (got pretty good at it) to avoid paying for the public spectacle.
is he allowed to be that cute? Seriously?
Do they still sell flowbees?
When I was getting ready for bed, hours after Charlie's most recent haircut, I found soggy animal crackers in my bra.
So cute, hiding in the curtains!Mine and the J-Dog would burn the place down - just give them a couple lollipops.
I would like to see a pic of the V-Meister's do though...
sometimes i think that drinking heavily during kid haircuts should be an option for parents. d's last haircut was awful--i mean, his behavior was atrocious. i just apologized and left a 75% tip.
I started taking piglet for haircuts at 9 months. No, he didn't have any hair, why? Actually, I just had them comb it and pretend trim with scissors and the clippers. By the time he actually needed a cut, he was used to it.
At 9 months, mine already refuses to let us cut his hair. It turns into a bit of a wrestling match (with scissors - yay!) And it HAS to be cut - or we will be parents to one scruffy little hippy.
And oh my lord, your son is so cute!
Oh man, that photo of your little guy gave me perma-smirk. What a CUTIE!
I started cutting my son's own hair too - it's not so bad actuallty (for me that is, his haircut, notsomuch).
Getting haircuts sure can be dicey...sorry it is getting worse instead of better. It does make a difference who the stylist is...perhaps just call her "the one wielding scissors that can cut off ears!"
He IS too adorable for tantrums, isn't he?
I started out cutting my girls' hair to the accompaniment of weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. Some of it mine. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and took them to the salon. I think you described the scene perfectly, just multiply it times two. Oh the horrors. I now cut their hair at home again. There are still tears, but I'm getting faster.
He is a cutie... gotta be a venus mars thing. My boy cries even now; the girl cries if she can't get onto the chair at the salon.
Oh, he's so cute! Hard to believe somebody that cute can make you want to go back in time and get your tubes tied, isn't it?
I loved the title of this post! Clever you.
You know what that picture is saying to me? Don't listen to my mama, she's hysterical. He looks too cute for boogers and spewed up animal crackers. ;)
I have already decided that Perrin is just going to grow out his hair until he is old enough to give in to peer pressure.
I have to say, though, JDog is looking pretty dapper. My compliments to his stylist.
I think his hair looks cute.
I once decided to trim my son's hair with clippers to save the trip to the barber shop. Big mistake. I had to hold him down while he screamed and cried so hard he threw up and he came out of it bald because I set the clippers at the wrong length.
I'm terrified of the whole haircut thing. Do you think I can convince my son's hair to stay the length it is??
:)
You took them both to get haircuts AT THE SAME TIME? Woman, you are brave! Good lord I think I would have tossed back a fifth during his meltdown and called a taxi to take us all home.
"Dicker" - LMAO.
I'm thinking you need to come over to my place and I'll make a mango margarita or three for you. THEN we'll cut his hair. BWAHAHA
ack.
he's cute. and argyle. very nice.
My son used to pull that routine. I gave up taking him to the salon and started cutting his hair at home. And it showed. My husband would have to bear hug him in his lap to keep him still, and I'd dash in with the clippers and do the best I could. Stupid me. I should have just buzzed it all and been done with it.
He grew out of that phase, I'm happy to say. Here's hoping your little guy does the same. And soon!
Funny tale, but the photo! The photo! I was looking at the photo and I could immediately hear Eric Clapton singing in my head:
Let it grow, let it grow,
Let it blossom, let it flow.
In the sun and in the snow
Love is lovely, let it grow.
This reminds me of when I took Stryker to the dentist at three. Think running, chasing, throwing, choking, spitting, screaming. The dentist said Stryker was THE WORST patient he had ever encountered. And he was on the verge of retirement. Uh oh. Suffice it to say that no teeth were examined that day. And I think the hair looks adorable, as is.
Aw - but that evil one is sooo cute! I started cutting my own kids' hair. My Girlie (4) will sit and preen and smile and flirt @ the salon. The Boy (8)? He almost fainted last time.
Eeek.
Best of luck!
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