And Now I So Happy, I Do the Dance of Joy

Readers, I am borderline ebullient today, and all because of my bathroom scale.

My bathroom scale, EggBeaters, and crab meat/avocado/cherry tomato salads with lime vinaigrette.

Apparently, all it takes for my funk to lift is a Friday morning weigh-in indicating a total weight loss of 2 pounds over the last week and a half - a week which included a mere one power walk and three Snickers ice cream drumsticks.

The secret, my friends, is EggBeaters. Every single morning for the past week and a half, I've eaten an EggBeater omelet cooked with olive oil spray with a pinch of cheddar cheese. This breakfast of People with Weak Will Power Who Can Only Diet Until 6:00 pm contains only about EIGHTY CALORIES and can tide me over well until mid-morning, at which time I eat a handful of blueberries or some such in order to prevent myself from gnawing my own fingers off.

For lunch, I have been eating either salad greens with avocado, grilled chicken, cherry tomatoes, radishes and one tablespoon of blue cheese dressing, or salad greens with imitation crab meat, cherry tomatoes, avocado, and lime/olive oil dressing.

Once dinnertime rolls around, it's a balls-out noshfest and I eat pretty much whatever I want (within reason - we are talking more like spaghetti noodles with turkey sausage and marinara sauce, not KFC, people.) On roughly three out of seven nights a week, I will even drink a box of Franzia glass of Rhone red.

Before bed, I have a cup of chamomile or vanilla rooibos tea with honey and I may or may not eat an entire full fat Snickers ice dream drumstick (280 calories). If I don't eat a full fat Snickers ice cream drumstick, then I will eat seven gingersnaps or a Skinny Cow ice cream drumstick (150 calories for either option).

I have no idea what my total daily caloric intake is, but I'm telling you, it's the Egg Beaters. You have to be careful because they come in a carton that looks suspiciously like coffee creamer and there have been some close calls in which I poured the raw egg whites into my morning cup of joe, thankfully realizing my error only seconds before imbibing.

But seriously, the EggBeaters keep me feeling full on way less calories than my usual breakfast and, as long as I stick to a salad that's high in protein for lunch, I feel like I can stop dieting at dinnertime so it's not as hard to start all over again the next morning. (I know this is kind of backwards, as you are supposed to reduce your calories as the day goes on. But whatevah, Dr. Phil. I don't see you fitting into a size four pair of jeans that you wore before you got pregnant with Number One.)

So there you have it. Things could change at any time (like if my scale cops an attitude with me tomorrow morning), but for now, I feel thinner, prettier, smarter, more confident in my parenting skillz/ability to sell my hut, and dammit, people like me! (Maybe. Probably. Most of the time, right? Don't answer that.)

Happy weekend, everyone!