Wednesday, April 09, 2008

I'm a Four Year Old Trapped in a Peri-Menopausal Body

3/4 sleeve brown yoga t-shirt
linen capris
black clogs
amber earrings


Dear Internets,

I've been in a bit of a funk for the past few days, which is why I haven't posted. Strangely, I'm usually only motivated to write when I'm feeling buoyant. A blog post when I'm feeling down would look an awful lot like my high school diary, except I probably wouldn't write what I wore that day in the upper left corner.

Speaking of clothing, did you know that, when you are four years old, you are not permitted to wear an item of clothing that bears "Size 3T" on the tag? Any birdbrain (except yours truly) knows that this is folly and goes against all laws of reason.

If the item of clothing in question bearing the "3T" tag also happens to be white ("White is not my color, Mama! Pink is my color!!!"), well now, this results in a Level Four Meltdown accompanied by the Whining Cry of Maximum Irritation.

Which is worse even than the sound of nails on a chalkboard and makes me want to run around in circles with my hands over my ears screaming, "MynameisRima!Ican'thearyoumynameisRima!" And then jump out the window.

Except what I actually do is bring out ye old Drill Sergeant of Doom persona and raise my voice ever so slightly, much in the same way I imagine a banshee might. A PMSssing banshee on an empty stomach who has a vague sense of malaise about her life in general and has not yet had her morning cup of joe.

Oh, ya. I can act like a four year old any damn day of the week.

It is important to note, however that if a pink plastic Ikea spoon should happen to be proffered as a breakfast eating implement mere minutes after the white size 3T clothing debacle, it will be thrown across the breakfast table in in a fit of rage because what fool doesn't know by now that only the dark blue plastic Ikea spoon is fit to eat Cheerios with?

Again, that would be me.

P.S. I told my ob/gyn last time I saw her that my PMS is getting totally out of hand lately. She said, "Oh, yeh, well you're thirty-four. It's peri-menopause." ACK!

(MynameisRimamynameisRimaMynameisRima!)

25 comments:

Liv said...

i doubt it's perimenopause. and i'm gwine choke the bitch who tries to tell me that at age 34. of course, i'm only 30, so what do i know?

(don't hit me!!)

thailandchani said...

34 is way too young. I can't imagine anyone considering that "perimenopause" which usually hits in the late 40s. (Menopause around 53 for most women.)

Unfortunately, I think this is "the curse" we women have lived with since the beginning of time.

Menopause was actually one of the peak experiences for me!

:)

Anonymous said...

I'm only 31. I'm choosing to blame my out-of-control PMS on bearing a child Right? Not Peri-menopause? RIGHT?

Becca said...

Wha? That can't be right. She should have sent you home with a prescription for a week at a spa instead! I bet that would clear the "PMS" right up!

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

34? You don't look a day over 29!

Amy said...

I think Thailand Chani is right. Perimenopause around 40 and menopause around 50. Unless you're me. Then you skip that peri-crap and just get the whole menopause thing over at 40 within 2.5 months post-partum when you were planning another baby but I'm not resentful.

Your doc surely jumped the gun!

Jennilu said...

Kaylea is stubborn beyond belief, but I always tell her she can't "out-stubborn" me. I don't care if I have to sit there all day. She will not win! I think she get's this trait from her Auntie M ;)

Janet said...

I did not know the IKEA spoon rule. So you're not alone.

Seriously? Perimenopause? I'm turning 37 this summer and my PMS is out of fraekin' control. I'm going to get a t-shirt made that reads: Got a problem with me? Talk to Peri.

Want one?

Janet said...

I'm also going to get a t-shirt made that reads: I kint spelle fraekin'.

sandy shoes said...

Perimenopause at 34? That's crap.

Unless you have a family history of early early menopause.

But in general -- crap.

flutter said...

((you))

Anonymous said...

Piglet's latest is "Four guys don't do that!" Four guys being four year olds. Who apparently don't do anything that involves picking up toys.

Skiplovey said...

You just made me google peri menopause (cuz I'm a genius that doesn't know what it it). Oh lordy that sounds like the pits. Say it ain't so (cuz I might be turning 34 this year too, might be unless I cancel this year's birthday.)
When did your mom go through "the change"? They say that's a good indication of when it happens to you.

Family Adventure said...

You are NOT perimenopausal. Ridiculous.

However, you do have a fantasticaly keen eye, as you were the only one to comment on my BIL's glass of bubbly while watching the kids jump on the trampoline. I should've know you'd say something :)

Hope the girlie has a happier day today - and you, too!!

Heidi

Candy said...

OK, where'd that OB get her license from? There's no way you're peri-menopausal at 34! Could it be, maybe, you're just a little tired taking care of your kids and your husband and your house and every other damned thing in the universe, and the PMS is hitting you hard because of that?

I recommend chocolate. Lots of it.

Angela DeRossett said...

I'm 32 and perimenopausal...it is possible. It can last for 10 years or more though.

Anonymous said...

You must see the latest New Adventures Of Old Christine where she gets a little pre-menopausal. Oddly enough my wife has some peri-menopausal symptoms now. She's 36.

Never a dull moment.

~Jef

Jen said...

Noooo! That means I'm well into it, too. 36 with PMS that is more psychosis than anything.

Your outfit sounds cute.

I wish you lived next door. I have half a quart of Baskin and Robbins Peanut Butter and Chocolate right here in front of me.

Jennifer S said...

It's good to know that I'm not the only one freaking out! Stupid PMS.

So would that mean you've got PMPMS? :-)

Anonymous said...

No way! You're way too young for that. I think she's full of it (and "it" is not candy).

I went through a general funk awhile ago. It may or may not have had something to do with the antics of the 3-year-old drama queen at the time and my inability to have anything that even sort of resembled a reasonable conversation with her. I found myself saying over and over again, "She's only three, she's only three, she's only three." And then when that didn't work (clearly my daughter inherited her irrationality from me)I visited my good friend Ben (or Jerry if Ben was busy). If they failed, then I ran off to meet Mr. Wine (not Whine, who I was attempting to flee). He has never let me down.

Hugs to you. I'm sending you a shovel to dig yourself out of the funk (funny though, how even in a funk you're hysterical).

justmylife said...

So I guess since I am older than you, my bout with Little Miss could be explained as perimenopause. Oh yes I feel better!!! (Gawd, am I older than EVERYONE I read?) Thanks for a name to my madness, I will warn, I mean inform hubby.

Anonymous said...

I haven't been posting for the exact same reason.
Blah rain=watch tv and cry.
Nice Sun= Share thoughts with world while twirling around!

I don't think it's peripostwhatever menopause, I think it's normal.

Melissa said...

I can't write when I'm down, either. Ugh. I feel for you. But hey-- what do I see? A new post from you with the word "happy" in the title. Maybe you're feeling better now. I'll go see... cross my fingers.

JCK said...

I'm with LIV. Ready to choke that Doc!

But, laughed my ass off, as well I know that size 3T is unacceptable in these parts of 4T and 5T worn by 3yrs & 4yrs.

Anonymous said...

I'm 34.5, and just been checked out for perimenopause. My doc said it's more normal these days because women actually talk about their problems, along with all the crap they put into food, such as hormones, etc. I feel your pain - I actually started on an antidepressant(just a mild one, although I am not depressed) and it seems to have helped immensely. Periods are still bad, but at least I am happy!
Perimenopausal at 34...believe it!