I've always been a honker.
When stopped at a red light behind another motorist, I like to keep one hand poised just above the horn so I could bring it home the moment the signal changes.
If you cut me off as I'm driving, I will honk for a full minute, swear profusely, and follow you home.
If I think you are about to cut me off, I'll pump the horn with purpose until I'm right alongside of you, and then I will secretly flip you off by pretending to scratch an itch on the side of my face using my middle finger.
And, if you try to make a dangerously close left turn in front of me, I may just plow right into you.
While honking.
Yesterday, I was waiting to make a right turn onto a main road from a side street with no traffic light. The coast was clear to turn on several occasions, but I was trying to angle directly into the left turn lane, which was backed up. No one was letting me in, so I continued to patiently sit with my right turn signal on and wait for traffic to start moving.
It's like I said: I use my horn with discretion.
There happened to be a gentleman in the vehicle behind me who also wanted to turn right, and he was starting to get a bee in his bonnet over my inaction.
He went to town on his car horn.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!! BEEEP! BEEP! BEEP! MEEP! BEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I motioned for him to go around me, but he'd already worked himself up into quite a frenzy, honking with one hand and gesticulating wildly with the other.
At one point, he even threw both arms up in the air as if to say, "OMG, I GIVE UP, YOU CRAZY MINIVAN DRIVING B1TCH!!!"
However.
I ignored my very first instinct and chose not to engage him in a honking war. I knew in my heart of hearts that no one ever emerges victorious in a honking war.
Neither did I exit the Ramamobile to get all up in his grill with a piece of my mind, as I was itching to do.
And I did not flip him off or call him a hoary toad, as per Lithuanian tradition.
Instead, I composed myself and, while beaming angelically through my rear-view mirror, I held up two fingers in the universal sign of peace.
It felt positively awesome.
So gratifying, in fact, was this tranquil gesture, that when prompted by another barrage of furious beeps, I performed it again.
While the gentleman behind me was busy having an aneurysm, a space opened up in the turn lane and I calmly proceeded through.
It pays to give peace a chance.
21 comments:
I call shotgun!
We are the same driver. And I think I will try the peace sign. Maybe it will calm me right the hell down next time?
I'm digging it.
Quite a few years ago, my friend and I were driving around an outlet center in holiday chaos. There was a hauling ass honky tonky person nearly running people down in the parking lot. He ended up behind our car, and my friend was driving her minivan. He laid on the horn like you wouldn't believe and ended up neck and neck with us at stop sign (trying to get past us). My friend rolled down her window, waited for him to look over, and yelled "HEY! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!" and waved ever so kindly.
I'm the same kind of driver. But last week, there was someone behind me, honking at me, and there was no way I could move (school pick-up line). When they could finally get past, I smiled and waved.
And the woman (not the driver) flipped me off.
It's more fun to be the honker.
I think that laying on the horn would help solve a lot of the road angst where I live.
I live in Utah.
The land of the polite and kind.
We NEVER use horns. Unless under threat of "You are drifting and are about to slam into me so I am making you aware of your presence."
When I drive in other cities, the use of horns scare the shiz out of me.
However, we also have HIGH road rage in this state. My theory is that it is because we are so damn nice to each other, when the anonymity of a car comes into play, the frustration comes out.
Maybe I'll have to lay on the horn sometime instead of screaming curse words at the top of my lungs in my car. It seems more effective.
oh, it depends on the day of the week. sometimes i'm a lover. sometimes a fighter.
Peace sign, I must remember that. My little one wouldn't pick up such awful words if I gave that a try. Thanks!!!
I live in a small town where, should someone choose to actually use their horn, that person would get stared at like their pants were on fire. They would also be the talk of the local diner, as everyone would want to know where so and so had to get to that was so important that they gave old Mrs. Devlin a heart attack with that dadburned horn.
If you act like that guy in Dallas someone will shoot you.
~Jef
love your beard.
i got honked at today, but it was totally my fault. I turned at a 4 way stop when it wasn't my turn to go. I realized it about 1/2 way into my turn, but I can't exactly stop 1/2 way into the intersection, so I just drove like I meant it.
I try not to be a honker, but sometimes I just have to. Then I feel bad. I'm too nice.
I have only honked once in my life, to avoid being bonked in a parking lot and even then I cringed.
This has less to do with being peaceful - I'm just wimpy I guess.
(My sister, however, has been known to reach over and honk for me. The dear.)
I always forget to honk until the problem has passed, and then I say to myself, "I could have honked." People think I'm mellow, but I'm really just addled.
I love the emerging victorious line. That was genius.
You showed such restraint there. JP's always worried I might engage in some kind of road rage incident due to my - um- vigilant nature.
You are the photoshop queen! LOVE it! That peace sign ... classic.
I am a road rager, unfortunately. But I think if I saw your sign, it might have cut me down a few notches. I would have sworn bloody murder at you, but you would have made me think ;)
*raises hand shyly*
Hi my name is MamaGeek, and I'm a honker.
And you TOTALLY look like Tom Hanks in that Castaway movie.
Love the new beard look. So...you?
I do honk, but am more the peace nik. You've given me a new trick to try!
I'm a recovering-honker-flipper-offer. My kids are too old now and aware of my offenses, so I'm working on my bad attitude.
I might need to steal the Peace Sign move. Groovy.
Hmm, I must remember to try this the next time I'm tempted to only raise one finger at a fellow driver. How very zen of you. :)
I am PROUD of you!
Heidi :)
That's so funny because if you flip your hand the other way, with your palm facing you, it's the british bronx f u. hee hee.
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